Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
