I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
