I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you mean i was at the winter classic?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
