hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
True strength comes from lack of pants
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
