paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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