I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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