He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
