I'm drive I can fine osifer
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
