sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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