youre lurking in front of me
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
