i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
