So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
