The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize