u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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