Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize