so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There's always time for handjobs
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
