I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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