We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
