after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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