He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
