I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
