Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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