u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
