so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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