Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
