I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
