There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You may now shotgun with the bride
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
