girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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