I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
