Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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