goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
