He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
