No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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