Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
