How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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