Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
