Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
