It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
