"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
