Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
