I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
