It's Friday. Sex?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
