So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
