Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
