the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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