Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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