I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
how does that bad decision feel?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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