Plan B is the new Plan A
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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