my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
