ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
