Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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