My underwear smells like fireworks.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
