Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
