She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
