he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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