The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
