the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
