You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
