Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
