Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
