Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize