Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Bring me that man meat
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
