There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
