I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
