I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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