I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
