There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
