clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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