Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
