Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize