Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
3 2 1 whiskey
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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