hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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