is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
