im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize