I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
