I swear she didn't look like that last week.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
