its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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