I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
