susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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