Heybabeimwearingurpanties
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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