Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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