My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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