Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
