if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
