Do vagina's smell?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We left the knife in your bed.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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