We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
