Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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