I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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