remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
