my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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