I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
