Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
