you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize