So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
