she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
